am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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