It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
