I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Text me some of your sweat
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