3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
