I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
