i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I think I won the penis lottery.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize