I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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