I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
