You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
