yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
