I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
