matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
