I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
