On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
