I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
