Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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