im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
