At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
