Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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