love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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