Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
