he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
