We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
