So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
