Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize