i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
