Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
