i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
