Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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