I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
