That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
