I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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