I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
