just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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