have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
