I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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