Who did Billy Mays play for?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
