Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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