There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
