Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
