I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
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She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
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It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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