Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
