I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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