mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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