She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
