i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
