I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
