similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
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spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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