I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
