I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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