the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon