you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight