Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
Cake is only good when you eat it
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.