after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you