Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
