I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
