PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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