YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
