About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
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Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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