Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
