talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
