we're blogging at a bar
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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