A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
why do cheetos always look like penises
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Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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