he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
