I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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