: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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